Fear: part II

We got tonked three nil. But Rooney didn't score, so every cloud etc..

Fear

Everton play Manchester United tonight. The perennial under-achievers take on the Premiership leaders. Free-scoring Mancs against the shot-shy Toffees. And our two best players, who have scored 90% of our league goals this season are both crocked. I'm going to build a bunker and stay off work for a week. I feel a cold coming on...

It's wrong that I should be this negative. I should have every faith that my beloved team will stroll onto the Old Trafford pitch, look their opponents in the eye, and know that they will leave victorious. We have international players in all departments - Nigerian centre backs, Portugese full backs, Spanish playmakers and Scottish dribblers.

However, from an Everton point of view, and bearing in mind a lot of disappointment over the last 13 years, the boys in blue always look tiny when they shuffle out into the self-titled Theatre of Dreams. Even Phil Neville, who played in the devil-red shirt of the Mancs for most of his career, somehow looks smaller in blue. Less likely to carry the ball the full length of the pitch, because its so big. Imagine 11 smurfs positioned in various poses on a full size football pitch, and you have Everton at Old Trafford.

I was always fairly indifferent to United. I didn't like them constantly winning the Premiership in the 1990's, but I admit to cheering them on in the last few minutes of the Champions League final. However, since "Rooneygate" in 2004, I hate them with a passion.

I never liked Rooney at Everton. He always drew far too much media attention to himself, and the rest of the team sufferred as a result. Everton work better under the radar, as in 2005 when they sneaked 4th place from under the noses of supposedly better teams. But I was glad to see the back of Rooney, and from the excepts of his biography (which is a whole nother issue) he seems to be a thoroughly unpleasant chap.

So why do I hate United for taking him off our hands? Simply this. It was the patronising way in which it was done. Everton had nurtured Rooney from a pup to a bulldog, and then United stepped in, waving their dosh, saying "well done boys, we'll take it from here...."

And all of a sudden, Wayne Rooney the international superstar was born. It's akin to the way that Sky and the Premiership single handedly "invented" football in 1992. All memories of any football prior to that season have been systematically erased. As has Rooney's Everton career.

So we're in for a leathering tonight, probably at the hands of our one time prodigy. Still, West Ham at home on sunday should ease the pain.....

Our Country's Good - theatre review

A bitter wind blew an empty chip wrapper along the chewing gum-stained pavement, as the drunken revellers made their way out of the pubs and clubs of Broad Street. It was a typical Saturday night in Birmingham’s glittering theatre land and we were there to be entertained!!

Any time spent away from the sofa and the temptations of X-factor or Strictly Come Dancing is time well spent, and a visit to the theatre gave my culture-levels a much needed top-up. I would love to say that I made the long journey to Birmingham simply because my love for the theatre is so great that I would climb every mountain etc to catch a group of luvvies prancing about on stage. In all honesty though, we were there to provide moral support to my former housemate from University.

Timberlake Wertenbaker's “Our Country’s Good” is set in Botany Bay in 1789, and tells of the rehearsals for the first play to be performed in Australia. A motley bunch of thieves, murderers and whores are assembled under the co-ordination of the troubled Lt Clarke, as he attempts to steer them through a production of Farquar’s “The Recruiting Officer”

Having previously taken in “The Talented Mr Ripley” at the Crescent Theatre we had some idea of the standard of acting on offer, but we were to be pleasantly surprised. Each member of the 10-strong cast were all equally impressive, although special mention should go to Craig Hall who excelled in the stand-out role of “Robert Sideway”.

The audience were treated to a number of “sea shanties” before the beginning of Acts 1 & 2, which helped set the tone. There were a few arty tableau’s which the less experienced members of the audience (myself included) didn’t follow, but the thespians in the audience lapped it up. Something about a boat, and disassociation.

Fans of Bertolt Brecht (you know who you are) will love the social and political issues which are dissected throughout the rehearsals, ranging from Crime and Punishment to the humanising effect of theatre and how a sense of community can offer savages a sense of civilised society.

The whores were incredibly convincing and thoroughly enjoyable to watch, whilst the character of Major Ross, who set out to make life as difficult as possible for all those involved, was particularly menacing. The basic set and stage props underlined the sparse nature of the pre-colonised Australia, and each character was given time to reflect and express their opinions on how they came to be in the strange, new world.

Tellingly the running time of two and three quarter hours flew by without a single glance at the watch, and each of the captivating performers managed to hold our attention for the full performance.

A post-mortem was held at the Bombay Mix curry house (I recommend the Chicken Rogan) and the final verdict was delivered. “A triumph” we declared. Now let’s eat....

“Our Country’s Good” runs at the Crescent Theatre, Birmingham until the 18th November. Please see the Crescent Theatre website for ticket details.

I saw Saw 3

Live or die, make your choice.

I always think that you can enjoy a movie more with friends than on your own. So when six of us piled into the cinema to watch the 3rd installment of one of the most profitable horror stories ever, I knew I was onto a winner. My only concern was that we were the only people in the theatre, apart from one guy on his own, which gave us all the creeps. Was he making notes??

When the original "Saw" movie was released, it was a breath of fresh air. No gimmicks, no horror cliche's and certainly not a happy end in sight. "Saw 2" was slightly more formulaic, a group of thoroughly dislikeable people trapped in a house with slim chance of survival.

"Saw 3" is more thoughtful, with a couple of nasty surprises thrown in as well as the customary gruesome traps. It's just as bloodthirsty as it's predecessors, but this time the bar is set as "excruciating pain". To give too much of the plot away would be criminal. Suffice to say that two people are put through separate versions of hell in the hope that they come out of the ordeal with at least some of their limbs intact.

Shawnee Smith is particularly psychotic as Jigaw's unbalanced apprentice and Scottish actor Angus Macfadyen is excellent as the main "contestant" who is offerred the chance to claim his life back.

On any number of occasions, the grotesque torture sequences had us all squirming in our seats, hands partially in front of our faces, with the occasional outbursts of "noooooo!!". We had read that some cinema-goers had fainted during previous screenings of this film, and we could understand why particularly when one unfortunate "contestant" was put on the rack. And there were plenty of twists along the way to keep us on our toes.

It's horrific, it's disgusting, it's downright wrong. But its brilliant.