The Celtic Games are an annual event which pits the strongest against the fittest. But the competitors aren't Olympians, Wrestlers or Boxers. Oh no, they're Civil Servants. On the 22nd March, Rhys "wee man" Dalgleish assembled a mottley bunch of footballers to represent ONS in the Welsh Regional 5-a-side Football qualifiers in Cardiff. The winner of the tournament would represent their office at the finals in Belfast, so there was a lot of pride to play for.
Keith "The Cat" Barnes, our invincible goalkeeper, kept more clean sheets than a pair of incontinence pants. Nick "Nobbler" Hughes kept biting away a the opposition's ankles. Huw "I'm not really Gary Speed" Wilcox watched the back door like a Presidential bodyguard. Nick "Marathon Man" Barford covered more ground than Steven Gerrard on a good day. Ross "The Good" Shepherd was our star utility man, and Joe "Supersub" Wightman just got kicked a lot.
All 17 teams assembled at the University Sports Centre. You could smell the tension, and a lot of deep heat. Like caged tigers, we prowled around the court, marking out our territory, as we chanted our team mantra. "None shall pass!!" "None shall score!!". "What time does MacDonald's open?"
The first game was a tight affair, but we taught the DVLA a thing or two about controlled football, before unleashing our secret weapon. The "wee man" popped up at the edge of the box to rifle home the winner. In the second game against Kaiserslautern, more measured football and some unbelievable gymnastic efforts by Keith Barnes meant that a hard fought draw was probably the right result. The third game was marred by a needless stamp on chirpy goalpoacher Joe Wightman, and on his birthday of all days. He bravely fought on, as his assailant received a deserved red card. Once again, Rhys Dalgleish buried the winner.
So three games gone, two wins and a draw. Confidence was high, surely we were through? But the mood swiftly changed, as news of a high scoring win for Kaiserslautern filtered through, meaning that we were behind on goal difference. Only a win would do against the mighty Cardiff Contact Centre. The opposition marched into the arena, cloaked in the Royal Blue of Everton football club. The crowd in the viewing gallery bayed for blood, sensing the importance of a match which neither team could afford to lose.
One minute gone, and disaster struck. A shot from the oposition cruelly bounced back off the post onto the back of Keith, who could do nothing to stop the shot trickling into the net. The stakes got higher, and the intensity doubled. Suddenly, Rhys Dalgleish nipped in to score a crucial equaliser and the game was there for the taking. The opposition looked tired, and made numerous subsitutions as they attempted to regain their composure. Then, completely out of the blue, they unleashed a stunning effort which flew into the net. 1-2 down and only seconds remaining.
The crowd noise was deafening, and the ONS team couldn't hear their own substitutes desperately clamouring to come on and help. With the referee about to blow for full time, and Contact Centre looking confident, Rhys popped up again to equalise and send ONS through to the knock out stages. All around a sea of gold as the crowd cheered his name. A shame that the referee disallowed it for being inside the box, really. The game finished and we were out, on goal difference only.
Rhys tried to inspire his devastated team with Happy Meals all round at MacDonalds. We could hold our heads high, knowing that we had done ONS proud. We can't wait for Sports Day now!
