Friday, April 24, 2009

The Circle of Life




We’re having a baby. My wife is in the family way, with a bun in the oven. I’m gonna be a daddy.

This news has come as a shock to my friends and family as most of them didn’t see me as the paternal type. And they were probably right. Up until recently, I’ve never given too much thought to fatherhood, as the strong, selfish streak in me has always abhorred the idea of the chaos it would bring to my scarily tidy house. And the obvious drain it would provide on my finances, especially in the current unstable climate.

But last summer, my wife and I went visiting. I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but a lot of my best friends live at the furthest stretches of the country from my home. I went to school in Newport and all my friends went to Universities around the UK, and some of them stayed there. I went to University in Northampton and made friends with people from all over the country. Some of them went home and some of them stayed there.

Which means that now I’m back in Newport and officially in my mid-30’s my closest friends are actually quite some distance away. I’m talking Manchester, Northampton, Birmingham and Romford. So we cover some miles just to stay in touch.

Last summer we visited many of these friends, all of whom have recently produced fledglings of their own. I’d never really been the broody type before, but seeing the happiness that a child (or two) had brought them made me rethink this. Don’t get me wrong, their lives were completely upside down, as it turns out there is no real user-manual for bringing up babies, but they had found a level of fulfilment which you don’t seem to achieve through a successful career or an away win which guarantees your team European qualification.

I figured that my life, with a pretty wife, a mortgage, two cars and a steady job, was fertile ground on which to grow offspring. So my wife and I talked about it and she was more pleased than I could imagine (presumably because she shared the same view as others about my lack of a paternal instinct). We kind of agreed the steps we would take, and ensure that the timing was right. No drunken fumble in the back of the car for us!

And now, only six months on from that first conversation, my wife is 14 weeks pregnant and my world is slowly changing. At first, my initial instinct was to change my car, our house, and my job, as I identified each of them as unsuitable for a child’s environment. Was my car safe enough? Was the house big enough?? Is my job well-salaried enough???

As it is, I’ve been talked down from that particular rooftop as I’m told it’s a perfectly normal male reaction. Men are doers, hunter gatherers. “If my wife is carrying my child, then it’s my responsibility to take care of everything else” etc. But it seems that as long as I provide a cup of tea when necessary, and put a beanbag under her feet when she’s watching TV, my responsibilities, for the time being, are quite limited. I must provide support, encouragement and understanding. These are vague words but I’m learning slowly.

My wife is blooming, and despite a slight case of anaemia is looking more beautiful than ever. But she’s made of granite, my wife, and is far tougher than me. So I have every faith that she’s providing a warm and safe environment for Joe Junior jnr to develop within.

Much more to follow, I’m sure.

Inigo Montoya would kick Jack Sparrow’s ass.....


I was recently given a voucher which entitled me to 3 free months of DVD rental with Tesco.com and my goodness have I been using it.

Due to certain financial restrictions caused by Moneygeddon (thanks Charlie Brooker) and prioritising of our Sky channels, it was decided that between myself and my wife, we would drop all of Sky Movies, 2 of the “Mixes” and most of Sky Sports. This meant that I could keep up to date on all of the Premiership Football, enjoy the hilarious Comedy Central (really, a double episode of Everyone Loves Raymond???) and lots of biblical epics on TCM. I was even given a boxed edition of my favourite film, The Princess Bride, but it's so special that I haven't had the courage to open it yet.

However, in terms of recent blockbusters I’ve fallen behind. I’m at that age now where the idea of sharing a viewing experience with a cinema packed full of people (none of whom I was allowed to interview or risk-assess prior to them sitting down) is starting to fade. I’m fairly sure that if I went to see State of Play or In the Loop, the cinema might not be full of screaming chav’s talking on their mobiles. But that is quite limiting.

So, this DVD membership (free for 3 months remember) was a wonderful opportunity for me to catch up on all the high-octane (what exactly is octane and why is it always high? You never hear of low-octane, do you?) thrillers, and art house minuets that I have missed recently. Plus, it’s free for 3 months, so it doesn’t contradict my credit crunch policy of “Don’t spend money on stuff I might enjoy”.
Now I know that in the 21st century most people's average attention doesn’t banana hammock. So with that in mind, here is a list of the films I’ve rented in the last month, with clever, witty, brain-as-sharp-as-a-razor, two line reviews.

WALL-E - saw it in the cinema but I forgot how beautiful it is. For a film with less dialogue than Apocalypto, it still engages your attention for the duration. And always good to hear the vocal talents of Ben Burtt and John Ratzenberger.

TOY STORY 2 I wasn't a fan of the first one, found it a bit annoying to be honest. But I really enjoyed this, as the ensemble toys were fleshed/plastic-ked out more (Rexy, Mr Potato Head etc) and there were some excellent moments, such as the cones crossing the road, and Rexy chasing after the jeep. These two films made me think of my top 5 animated films, I invite you to do the same!
5 The Lion King
4 Toy Story 2
3 A bug’s life
2 Wall-E
1 Finding Nemo

ROCKNROLLA – It’s about various rival factions in Laaaaaaarndon mate and their all after this macguffin and they all come face to face at the end and it goes a bit Radio Rental. Sound familiar? It’s still watch able and anytime Gerard Butler is on screen my wife is happy.

DIE HARD 4.0 (Live Free or Die Hard) A few tips of the hat to previous films ("Special Agent Johnson, huh? Great.") and the yippee kay-ay at the end. The sidekick wasn't as annoying as I expected, the bit with Silent Bob and "the Fett" made me laugh and some of the set pieces were incredible - the car hitting the helicopter, the jeep in the lift shaft etc

1408 - John Cusack and Samuel L. Starts off well enough, making you think it's going to be a good old haunted house flick. Then it descends into psychological drivel and by the end you really don't care.

AMERICAN GANGSTER - Denzel and Maximus. Excellent, excellent, excellent. 151 minutes flew by, and both characters appeal to the viewers sympathies. I would watch Denzel Washington eat toast, he’s that good.

21 - Kevin Spacey Spacey phones in his performance as he teaches his students to count cards in Vegas. A few twists and turns but nothing you couldn't predict. Or care about.

THE BANK JOB - Good cast, no script, awful film. Even Poirot is wasted in it.

JUNO – very quirky but well written and acted and the soundtrack gives it a dreamlike feel, although not sure what to make of Jason Bateman's character. I think he's a sleaze and I'm not happy with that!

THE MUMMY 3 - to be honest I was pretty half-cut after Everton beat Man Utd in the Cup Semi final so I would have enjoyed anything. Brendan Fraser is always watch able without having to do much. And once again his presence on screen makes my wife happy.

I currently have QUANTUM OF SOLACE, TAKEN, and IN BRUGES waiting to be watched, so what am I doing typing away here? Must go.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Why should I care about President Obama?


Barrack Hussein Obama became the 44th President of the United States this week. He was inaugurated (twice) and has already set about righting some of the wrongs of the George Dubya Bush era . I’m a Political Science graduate, so questions have been posed to me during the last week “Why should I care about the US President? What impact will it possibly have on my life?”. Therefore, I crave five minutes of your time whilst I demonstrate that the UK and the US are two sides of the same coin.

History

First, I need to go back. Way back, to the beginning of the USA as we know it. Christopher Columbus may have “sailed the ocean blue” in 1492, but settlers from Britain first populated the Eastern seaboard of what we now call the USA. Jamestown, Virginia was settled in 1606 before the Mayflower arrived at Plymouth Rock, Massachusetts in 1620.

For the next 150 years, there was an uneasy alliance between the New World and Great Britain. Rising taxation from Britain angered the Colonists, especially as they had no political representation in Parliament. The Colonists wanted the British influence removed from their shores, and so The War of Independence began in 1775, lasting until 1783. In 1776, the Declaration of Independence was signed and in 1789 George Washington became the first President of the United States of America.

More Recent history

So much for history? Well, maybe just a little bit more. Let’s move forward from 1789to 1941, and the USA’s introduction to the Second World War. Pearl Harbour had just woken the USA from it’s slumber, and Britain was tiring in it’s efforts to hold back the Nazi troops. Harry S Truman, 33rd President of the USA, enabled the “Lend-Lease Act”. The USA supplied Britain and other Allies with vast amounts of war material in return for military bases in Newfoundland, Bermuda and the British West Indies. A total of $31.4 billion (equivalent to nearly $450 billion at 2007 prices) worth of supplies were shipped to Britain and eventually the tide was turned, and Germany defeated.

Very generous of the USA, one might think, but this agreement took a surprise turn at the end of WWII. The USA suddenly terminated Lend-Lease on September 2nd 1945. Britain needed to retain some of this equipment in the post war period, resulting in the “Anglo-American loan”, which totalled a whopping £1,075,000,000. Payment was to be stretched out over 50 years at 2% interest. The final payment of $83.3 million (£42.5 million) was made as recently as December 29th 2006. This is an awful lot of money that could have been spent on schools, transportation and lowering taxes. And who was paying for this loan? Well the tax-paying British public, of course.

War. What is it good for?

Let’s come back to present day, and the current political situation. None of us outside of CIA briefings had heard of Osama Bin Laden prior to 9/11. It was an horrific attack, the slaying of innocent lives watched by millions of us on CNN. The USA was shocked and angry, understandably wanting quick revenge, but Bin Laden had gone underground. By declaring war on terror, they needed to have a visible member of the Axis of Evil, and Saddam Hussein fitted the profile perfectly. He was a “quick win”.

Not only did the Bush family have unfinished business with Hussein, but Iraq had oil. Lots of oil. Oil makes the world go round, keeps our factories working and cars on the road. Whilst oil is kept relatively cheap, it is the most precious commodity in the modern world and cleaner alternatives such as Wind and Solar power will remain in the shadows. Importantly, Dubya was a Texan Republican who just loved oil. So all it takes is a few hastily scribbled memo’s, a catchy phrase like “Weapons of Mass Destruction”, an unblinking Ally such as Great Britain and Bang! We have got ourselves a war.

But wars aren’t cheap. I apologise if the next paragraph is a little statistic-heavy but they’re there to prove the point. Wars aren’t cheap. Thousands of men went to Iraq, and Afghanistan. They get paid, just like you and I. They serve at the pleasure of Queen and country, and thus will go unflinchingly into battle when ordered. The United Kingdom was a major contributor to the United States-led War in Iraq, sending 46,000 army personnel to the region, the second largest force after the US. Aside from troop salaries, there is the hardware to consider.

The F-22 Raptor is a fighter aircraft, built by Lockheed-Martin and Boeing at a cost of £90,000,000 each. £90m is equal to the total amount of Council tax paid by a combined 112,500 British households each year and the US Air Force currently owns 127F-22’s. The Challenger 2 Tank, used by the British Army in Basra, costs upwards of £3,500,000 to build. The British Army paid for 386 of them to be built. And who pays for the British Army? Once more, the British tax-payers foot the bill for a war. A war which we weren’t allowed to vote for or against, and a war which was centred around the USA’s search for Weapons of Mass Destruction, which never existed.

The Economy

Okay, leaving war aside, let’s move onto something more tangible. The credit crunch. We’ve all felt the pinch recently, less of us are socialising because it’s pricey, we’re going to restaurants less, pubs are closing and holidays remain unbooked. We all know someone who has been affected by this. A friend, who I play football with every week, just told me that he has been put onto a three-day working week. He has a pretty wife, a lovely daughter and a mortgage to pay. It’s all around us.

The credit crunch has seen the collapse of banks around the world, and the most shocking of which was Lehman Brothers. This ties in with the original question – what does it matter to the average British citizen that a big bank in America has gone bankrupt. Well, the event itself might not have an affect, but the ripple effects are spreading across the Atlantic and gathering pace. Banks in the UK had money invested in Lehman, and they were then bailed out by the British government. And where did the British government get the money for the bail out? You’ve guessed it.

The Banks had invested the money that their customers had deposited. Their customers, by the way, are Mr & Mrs Taxpayer. It wasn’t the banks money, but they invested it anyway, as that’s how a bank makes its profits. Unfortunately, the investments crumbled due to corruption and bad judgement on Wall Street and when their customers asked for money that they simply didn’t have, it caused panic. People lost faith in banking institutions, and banks became afraid to lend money for fear they might not get it back. Six months after the first danger signs and the full extent of the financial collapse can only be estimated, although no-one actually wants to do that as the final figure may be too frightening. No-one is spending, no-one is lending. Gridlock. Socialism is victorious.

Democrat v Republican

The Banks were encouraged to take risks by a Republican government whose ethic of putting money into churches and charities and leave everyone else to fend for themselves has failed. Democrats are far more involved in the economy, and thus more responsible. President Obama himself claimed that the age of irresponsibility is over.

In times like these, it’s important to remember the age-old distinction between Republicans and Democrats. The Democrats are for the working man. The Republicans are for the Businessman. Democrats tend to favour social action programs, which help the poor and middle class; while Republicans believe more in a 'pull yourself up by your own bootstraps' philosophy.

The future

History has shown us how the lives of British and American people are constantly intertwined, through war and peace, bust and boom. Which brings us back to the main question. Why should Britain care about the 44th President’s appointment? Early signs indicate that he will be the ‘anti-Dubya’. He is riding the crest of a wave at the moment, and even a staunch Republican congress doesn’t want to oppose him at the moment for fear of losing credibility themselves. The light is shining on President Obama at the moment and even the opposition party wants to feel the warm glow, allowing him to pass whatever legislation he chooses during this honeymoon period.

President Obama will begin by creating policies for which liberals have long clamoured, from alternative-energy sources to school renovations, infrastructure repairs and technology enhancements. For example, his $800bn stimulus package includes plans to help school districts($41bn), provide higher unemployment benefits ($36bn), rebuild roads ($30bn), computerise medical records ($20bn) and fund a Green electricity grid ($11bn). He’s closing Guantanamo Bay and pulling troops out of Iraq.

The Republicans told people to do what they like with their money. The Democrats are telling people exactly what to do with their money. Spend it, but wisely. Save it, but in a bank. The security of a watchful American government will help the rest of the world recover from what is officially “a recession”. Nobody make a sound, just wait and watch President Obama. Quietly, he’s going to save the world.